The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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