Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
