Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
