oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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