found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
