shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
false alarm. still invincible.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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