you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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