I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
