Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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