is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
