Need sex. Gaining weight.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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