One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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