thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
