Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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