u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
