A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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