Fine. I'll sleep in my office
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
