Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
