Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
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I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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