my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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