dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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