I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
