We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
