mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
