dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
