she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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