Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
