After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
