I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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