Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
