let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
