I want you more than these girls want KFC
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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