So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
