Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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