I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
