when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
