too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
