im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You can't special order awesome
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Randomize
