Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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