I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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