you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
