I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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