I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
