dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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