I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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