i will never coherently bang her
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
