some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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