i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
