is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
