Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
