??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
