alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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