During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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