I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
