What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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