She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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