My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
