I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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