Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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