oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
