i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
