he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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