i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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