Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
