I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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