Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
