she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
