I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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