i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
