So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
