Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
