things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
