my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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